Confront Your Why

“You didn’t have to do this.”

This was a recent poster my friend Andy saw as he crossed the finish line at the L.A. Marathon. 

After 26 grueling miles, he was immediately forced to confront the reason for participating.  The sentiment of the poster strikes me as equal parts cruel and accurate. He, in fact, didn’t have to do it. So why did he?

This past weekend, I raced in my first organized triathlon in over a year, and a little over halfway through had thoughts bubble up asking the same question.  Why was I doing this?

There was no chance of making a career out of competing. I had a hotel room minutes from a beautiful seascape. I could have easily been sitting on the balcony enjoying a chilled tropical drink.  Yet there I was, grinding away on my bike, muscles aching, sun beating down on me, just trying to remain hydrated enough for the run that awaited.

I thought about the “Why” during the race, just like I had thought about it in countless practice sessions leading up to the race.  In a world not short on options, like Andy, I chose, and choose to actively put myself in situations that summon the “Why”. 

For you, the discomfort you create for yourself might be physical, or intellectual, or emotional.  My mother, not having formally studied for several years decided to go back to school to study Spanish. 

It would have been just as easy for someone to create a poster and stand outside of her classroom declaring, “You didn’t have to do this.”

A few years ago, when just starting to train seriously, my strategy in practice and on race days was to drown out the question. If I wore headphones and prepared a long enough playlist, I could quiet the inner voice, suck it up, and drive to the finish line.  If successful, I could completely avoid confronting why I was subjecting myself to this seemingly unnecessary activity.  Runs seemed to go by faster when I was distracted by true crime podcasts, but was that the point, for the activity to go by faster?

Recently I have ditched the headphones and opted for nothing.  On bad days, I am waiting for my watch to beep, notifying me of passing miles, but on good days, my mind seems to quiet, my senses are more heightened, and I welcome the arrival of the “Why”.

When we put ourselves into situations that stretch and challenge us, we are forced to confront the “Why”. Next time, as you take on a seemingly impossible challenge, don’t try to drown the question out.  If anything, try to amplify it.  Confront your “Why”. Think to yourself, you didn’t have to do this, but you did.